


a will to move on

by Icestorm238



Category: Astral Chain (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers for the ending, an abundance of cats, f!protag, m!akira, protag isn't explicitly named, these two make me feel Sad things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-18 11:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21610306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icestorm238/pseuds/Icestorm238
Summary: "You've been avoiding me."Akira confronts his sister.
Relationships: Akira Howard & Player Character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	a will to move on

“Do you remember,” Akira says from the doorway, startling her into almost throwing the cat she’s been petting off her lap, “when we first decided to become cops?”

She does. She remembers the first night their father had spent in the hospital; how Jin had assured them over and over that everything was fine but had been unable to tear himself away from his phone for too long, how cold and empty and dark their little apartment had seemed without their dad, how lost they both had felt. How Akira waited for Jin to close their bedroom door and settle himself on the sofa before rolling out of his bed and clambering into hers. How they’d clung to each other in a tangle of limbs beneath the duvet, holding on as if the other would disappear if they let go.

How, deep into the night, far later than they’d ever stayed up before, they’d locked their pinkies together and promised to join the police, just like dad, to protect people (and, most importantly, to protect  _ him _ from dangers that ended in hospitalisation or death).

That last part had gone well.

They were always going to be police, she thinks. It just took until that night to voice the shared intent.

She nods for him, smoothing Milky’s fur back as an apology for the near-throw (and to give her an excuse to stare at the cat’s fur and not at Akira).

He shifts to lean against the doorframe of the sanctuary - she watches the movement out of the corner of her eye. “We were going to do everything together,” he continues. “Training, cases, even the paperwork.”

They always did everything together.

Milky purrs, resettling on her lap. She slips her fingers deeper into the pale fur, letting it ground her, clinging to her pretence that everything was, and would be, okay.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

It’s an accusation, one she thinks is rather unfair. Akira has no idea how much time she’s spent hiding behind helicopters and crates, watching him stare into space, drinking him in, fixating solely on him, as if he’ll fade away if she tears her eyes away for the briefest of seconds.

She can’t look at him now, though.

Akira moves fully into the room, seating himself on the other sofa and petting Vanilla as the cat jumps onto his lap. His free hand reaches across to run along Nightshade’s back. “I’ve tried to do things with you,” he says, and the pain in his voice is almost equal to the pain in her heart. “Not just because we promised, but because you’re my sister. I  _ want _ to do things with you. But every time I try, you’re busy. I look for you to suggest taking a mission together, only to find you’ve already run off alone. The most I get to see you these days is the barest of glimpses as you get off the helicopter and race right past me to your next  _ solo _ mission. I can’t even remember the last time I saw you at home.”

He’s absolutely right, of course. All of that was very intentional avoidance on her part. She’d hoped he wouldn’t notice (although her brother has always been quite observant - he’s a cop, it’s literally his job to be observant - so she really should have expected that he would).

As for not seeing her at home, that’s because she hasn’t been home since everything with Noah. She’s been camping out at Hal’s hideout in an effort to avoid her brother - Akira’s memories thankfully don’t extend far enough to remember the few hours he’d spent there, so for now it’s a safe haven. How long that will last, she doesn’t know.

“What have I done wrong?” Akira asks, softer than anyone has ever been allowed to see (except her, always excepting her).

_ Oh, Akira,  _ she wants to cry,  _ you’ve done nothing wrong. _

_ I just need more time. _

She had killed him. Stood there, helpless, as the Arrow Legion pierced his chest in what could be nothing but fatal. She’d done so much for the Ark, saved so many lives, but when it came to the person that mattered most to her? She couldn’t do anything. To find him alive before her, Akira-but-not-quite, the only flaw his failure to recall anything past the clones-

It was difficult. The grief and the guilt swallowed her like they were a whale and she was an insignificant little krill, drowning her in their intensity. Akira’s presence was unbearable.

She doesn’t answer, not aloud, instead curling her body further around Milky. The cat bats a paw at her face as if complaining that she’s too constrictive.

_ “Please,”  _ Akira says, in a tone so viciously similar to the one he’d used up on that rooftop when he’d begged her to kill him, a tone that brings the pain thundering back in a manner that’s somehow a thousand times worse than just talking to him or looking into his eyes (it’s the eyes, they’re not quite right, she can’t pick apart just what it is that’s wrong with them but they’re  _ wrong _ and it’s nauseating and everything about him is wrong and nauseating even though he seems so perfect and right and  _ Akira _ ) and she can’t breathe, it’s like the air has been sucked from her lungs and all that’s left is a vacuum of ash and- 

And she can’t do this anymore.

She stands up in one single, stiff motion, her arms full of startled cat. She deposits Milky onto her vacated seat, gives her a parting pat, and flees towards the door, heading somewhere- anywhere- away from the brother that isn’t quite hers.

“You’re running away again,” Akira points out as she goes, making no move to stop her. “You’ve never run.”

Never from him.

She hesitates in the doorway, guilt of a different kind rising in her throat like bile. Mia pauses from playing with her can to rub against her leg. It’s not as comforting as it should be. Akira’s emotions - confusion, desperation,  _ hurt  _ \- are palpable and thick in the air. She wants to cry.

_ I’m sorry,  _ she doesn’t say, and runs.


End file.
